1. Can you email me some 10-minute high-quality video clips please? ... What's WinZip?
2. I can’t get onto Google. Please help.
3. My account has changed my password without my permission; can you reset it please? I'm getting really annoyed with this.
4. I used Google to get on the internet, but now I can’t find Chrome.
5. Can you call IT helpdesk for me, and if I leave my account password can you login to my computer and help them fix it please? I’m leaving early today to catch a train to my second home for the weekend. I won't be contactable.
6. I’ve logged onto another computer and my desktop shortcuts have gone- can you come and recreate them all for me?
7. You know that 2-page newsletter you do? I need to put 12 pages of text into it.
8. I want the whole-team template to auto-insert my name each time. It's a matter of extreme urgency.
9. Why can’t the form just auto-tick the boxes I want ticked on my behalf?
10. Why can’t we just go back to using paper files? It was simpler then (*murmurs of agreement round the table*).
11. So what I don’t understand is that we’ve got all these things, like Google and website and ‘browsers’ and the cloud and I have to remember all these different logins!
12. I've been using autocomplete in MS Outlook emails for 10 years. Now we're moving and we can only export our contacts. What can you do to fix this?
13. I deleted a folder off the hard drive, and I need someone to ask IT to bring them back somehow. You’re good with computers. Can you call them for me?
14. I printed some forms out and wrote on them, but I've lost the file. Can you tipex my handwriting out and re-scan please? If you can, there's a box here with about 200 other one's in it...
15. I don't care how big the web pages are, I need this document on the front page of the website!
1. I have increased your exchange accounts storage limit and my own outgoing size limit. BOOM there you go.
ReplyDelete2. Blame the webproxy.
3. Turn off password expiry, set the password to 'password' to match that of all your other users.
4. Good, dont.
5. Thats fine. I have just emailed the contents of your emails to your boss.
6. No, you should have had a roaming profile and/or learned to store your shit on a network drive not your desktop.
7. Thats fine, auto overflow = scrollbars on the divs. That should do it.
8. No it isn't. Use mail merge for Word if thats your bag. Use a Macro for other dull shit and Javascript summat if this is a web form.
9. It does. I've just defaulted every box to your last set of answers. You may find a lot of other users feel the need to ask you about it in the next few days.
10. I have provided you a scanner and OCR software. knock yourself out.
11. We have just created a password database for you to use with asp.net. It has AD pass through so you dont have to log in. Now you just have to remember your windows login password.
12. nk2 file or win7+ equivalent. Joy.
13. No but if you had stored your shit on a network drive we could have got it back. Sadly, you're a dick.
14. I suggest you speak to HR about work experience students.
15. I have inserted a link on the main page directly to your document.
^ Haha, I have recently experienced the joys of NK2 files... (re: 12). Good times!
ReplyDeleteAlas re: 15, it's not enough to have a link. The full text document has to come up when the webpage loads, and fuck the readability!